It's been one long week since my discussion with Dapo and his shocking revelation to me. I am more concerned about making my marriage work right now, than having to worry about other stuff.....I would get back to that in good time!
Through the week, I had been thinking of what to do...how to prevent my world from crashing down on me. Since my past is important to Dapo...since he obviously would like to know all the details, I decided to tell him all of it. So, I called him after the close of work and asked him to meet me up at an eat-out close to my office. He was 15mins late...but he came...so no worries. Told him what i ahd decided to do....he smiled and said "that would do for a start". Hmmm....for a start? Like it wasn't good enough? Okay....so I told him everything...from relationships...to cheating....to drinking and smoking....trying a few drags of cannabis...the whole university life downloaded to him! And just incase there were things i may have failed to mention....maybe forgot some details, I gave him the opportunity to ask me whatever he felt like. And he did....and I answered with all honesty and sincerity.
In the end of it all, he told me he felt better, he was happy that I opened up to him and it would go a long way. He said he also realised that he had been wrong to listen to an outsider and judge me....even going as far as hanging out with strange girls just to get back to me and try his way through forgiving me! Really!? Now that explains the phone calls....and his not touching me for over 4months. Explained what he meant by telling me I had lost the right hand seat by his side the other night at Jabi Lake.
Dapo said he had forgiven me. I was relieved...happy! Everything would return back to normal.....and maybe we could start having kids...it's time to build an actual home! Saturday....the night after...lol! I was doing the usual cleaning and laundry. Got a bit tired and sat on d bed...got curious and picked Dapo's phone. He had gone for a run that morning, so I had enough time to browse through. Felt a little awkward as this was something I usually don't indulge in. But hey, who am I deceiving? My husband told me he went out hanging with a few girls because he was trying to forgive me..."my past". The other day, he received a call that had him sounding like a new groom....and her I am, sitting next to "the answer"...why not find out!
So...I did! And did I find out more than I could handle. I broke down...I practically rolled all over the bathroom floor. Dapo had cheated on me...not once...not twice....not even five times! Trying to forgive me....his wife...for no wrong that I did to him. I didn't want him to know that I had gone through his phone, so i switched it off to make it look like he did so last night. I went about my usual business, he must not know!
I watched him, everyday...I made sure he never suspected anything. I was the same...I still loved him, still cared for him, still allowed him touch me....I still made love to him like nothing was wrong! On Wednesday evening, Dapo called me at work and said he'd be home early. Asked me to take an excuse from work so we could have some time out together. I got home, and there he was...all dressed up, ran some warm-water for me to shower with and picked out something simple from my closet. While in the bathroom, I told myself he wanted to open up to me about the women he cheated on me with. I practiced how to respond, if to let him know that I knew or to act like I was naive.
He took me to The Bar, where we first met. We got talking....different things...from work to movies and silly jokes. He never mentioned anything about cheating. He only apologised for giving my time to other women...not a thing about sleeping with them. Not a single thing! I started to get pissed....felt cheated and betrayed, so I asked! "Dapo", I started..."during the time you were trying to forgive me, or working towards forgiving me, did you cheat on me?" He looked me straight in the eyes and said..."cheat on you?"..."yes" I said...."like kiss anyone, sleep with anyone precisely?"
Back home, I curled like a cold reptile on my side of the bed...not wanting any part of him to touch me. I would have forgave him if he told me the truth. "Have you been seeing someone lately?"...Dapo asked from the bathroom door....I turned around and looked at him...."me?", I asked..."yes Cheta, have you been seeing any man?". 'I am a happily married woman....and I love my husband no matter what...and no, I have not seen or been seeing any man or boy since you!"
I fell ill a few days after Wednesday outing with Dapo....I was pregnant! As much as I wanted to start a family...a proper home with Dapo, I just didn't think the pregnancy came at the appropriate time. I didn't want to be held down to a cheating husband by having a child for him in the midst of all the uncertainties. I got rid of the pregnancy! I had nothing to worry about because Dapo didn't know I was pregnant. I started to feel irritated by him....his every move got me really sick! I gave excuses everytime he tried to touch me. I couldn't care less....he was already sleeping around even when I submitted to him willingly....why bother now?
One day, while at work, I was just coming out of a presentation which I did perfectly well. My team members were congratulating me with hugs and handshakes and a few high-fives. It had been a very hectic day, so I, Greg and Ifeoma went to have lunch, while at it, Ifeoma's husband called to take her home. I was left with Greg....just as we stepped out of the canteen...laughing at a joke someone cracked while we were still inside, I saw Dapo...standing by my car...giving me the death stare. I walked to him and said.."you surprised me or came to catch me with "the mystery man?" To my amazement, he pulled me to the passenger's side and practically shoved me in on the seat.
Without the chance to get my bag or announce my departure, Dapo took me home. Driving the streets of Abuja like a lunatic! Getting home, he accused me of sleeping around, disrespecting him infront of my colleagues....called me all sort of names! Hmmm.....I just stood there, looking at him like something from an unbelievably impossible movie. There he was, judging and saying all sort of things...a man who cheated on me and still doesn't have the guts to own up to his wrongs and sort his issues out. A man who feels justified for his waywardness by blaming it on the "sins from my past".
Boy, am I glad I got rid of that pregnancy! As horrible a thing it is to do, I feel like i did myself a huge favour. From this day on, I have decided to either end this and walk out of the marriage, or be at peace with myself by doing all the things he has accused me of....things he will keep accusing me of! Why take the blame over and over for something I didn't even conceve the thought of doing, when I might as well do it and take whatever accusations he has in store for me!?
Karma got to me through Dapo....I might as well be his Karma!
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