It's been one long week since my discussion with Dapo and his shocking revelation to me. I am more concerned about making my marriage work right now, than having to worry about other stuff.....I would get back to that in good time!
Through the week, I had been thinking of what to do...how to prevent my world from crashing down on me. Since my past is important to Dapo...since he obviously would like to know all the details, I decided to tell him all of it. So, I called him after the close of work and asked him to meet me up at an eat-out close to my office. He was 15mins late...but he came...so no worries. Told him what i ahd decided to do....he smiled and said "that would do for a start". Hmmm....for a start? Like it wasn't good enough? Okay....so I told him everything...from relationships...to cheating....to drinking and smoking....trying a few drags of cannabis...the whole university life downloaded to him! And just incase there were things i may have failed to mention....maybe forgot some details, I gave him the opportunity to ask me whatever he felt like. And he did....and I answered with all honesty and sincerity.
In the end of it all, he told me he felt better, he was happy that I opened up to him and it would go a long way. He said he also realised that he had been wrong to listen to an outsider and judge me....even going as far as hanging out with strange girls just to get back to me and try his way through forgiving me! Really!? Now that explains the phone calls....and his not touching me for over 4months. Explained what he meant by telling me I had lost the right hand seat by his side the other night at Jabi Lake.
Dapo said he had forgiven me. I was relieved...happy! Everything would return back to normal.....and maybe we could start having kids...it's time to build an actual home! Saturday....the night after...lol! I was doing the usual cleaning and laundry. Got a bit tired and sat on d bed...got curious and picked Dapo's phone. He had gone for a run that morning, so I had enough time to browse through. Felt a little awkward as this was something I usually don't indulge in. But hey, who am I deceiving? My husband told me he went out hanging with a few girls because he was trying to forgive me..."my past". The other day, he received a call that had him sounding like a new groom....and her I am, sitting next to "the answer"...why not find out!
So...I did! And did I find out more than I could handle. I broke down...I practically rolled all over the bathroom floor. Dapo had cheated on me...not once...not twice....not even five times! Trying to forgive me....his wife...for no wrong that I did to him. I didn't want him to know that I had gone through his phone, so i switched it off to make it look like he did so last night. I went about my usual business, he must not know!
I watched him, everyday...I made sure he never suspected anything. I was the same...I still loved him, still cared for him, still allowed him touch me....I still made love to him like nothing was wrong! On Wednesday evening, Dapo called me at work and said he'd be home early. Asked me to take an excuse from work so we could have some time out together. I got home, and there he was...all dressed up, ran some warm-water for me to shower with and picked out something simple from my closet. While in the bathroom, I told myself he wanted to open up to me about the women he cheated on me with. I practiced how to respond, if to let him know that I knew or to act like I was naive.
He took me to The Bar, where we first met. We got talking....different things...from work to movies and silly jokes. He never mentioned anything about cheating. He only apologised for giving my time to other women...not a thing about sleeping with them. Not a single thing! I started to get pissed....felt cheated and betrayed, so I asked! "Dapo", I started..."during the time you were trying to forgive me, or working towards forgiving me, did you cheat on me?" He looked me straight in the eyes and said..."cheat on you?"..."yes" I said...."like kiss anyone, sleep with anyone precisely?"
Back home, I curled like a cold reptile on my side of the bed...not wanting any part of him to touch me. I would have forgave him if he told me the truth. "Have you been seeing someone lately?"...Dapo asked from the bathroom door....I turned around and looked at him...."me?", I asked..."yes Cheta, have you been seeing any man?". 'I am a happily married woman....and I love my husband no matter what...and no, I have not seen or been seeing any man or boy since you!"
I fell ill a few days after Wednesday outing with Dapo....I was pregnant! As much as I wanted to start a family...a proper home with Dapo, I just didn't think the pregnancy came at the appropriate time. I didn't want to be held down to a cheating husband by having a child for him in the midst of all the uncertainties. I got rid of the pregnancy! I had nothing to worry about because Dapo didn't know I was pregnant. I started to feel irritated by him....his every move got me really sick! I gave excuses everytime he tried to touch me. I couldn't care less....he was already sleeping around even when I submitted to him willingly....why bother now?
One day, while at work, I was just coming out of a presentation which I did perfectly well. My team members were congratulating me with hugs and handshakes and a few high-fives. It had been a very hectic day, so I, Greg and Ifeoma went to have lunch, while at it, Ifeoma's husband called to take her home. I was left with Greg....just as we stepped out of the canteen...laughing at a joke someone cracked while we were still inside, I saw Dapo...standing by my car...giving me the death stare. I walked to him and said.."you surprised me or came to catch me with "the mystery man?" To my amazement, he pulled me to the passenger's side and practically shoved me in on the seat.
Without the chance to get my bag or announce my departure, Dapo took me home. Driving the streets of Abuja like a lunatic! Getting home, he accused me of sleeping around, disrespecting him infront of my colleagues....called me all sort of names! Hmmm.....I just stood there, looking at him like something from an unbelievably impossible movie. There he was, judging and saying all sort of things...a man who cheated on me and still doesn't have the guts to own up to his wrongs and sort his issues out. A man who feels justified for his waywardness by blaming it on the "sins from my past".
Boy, am I glad I got rid of that pregnancy! As horrible a thing it is to do, I feel like i did myself a huge favour. From this day on, I have decided to either end this and walk out of the marriage, or be at peace with myself by doing all the things he has accused me of....things he will keep accusing me of! Why take the blame over and over for something I didn't even conceve the thought of doing, when I might as well do it and take whatever accusations he has in store for me!?
Karma got to me through Dapo....I might as well be his Karma!
Saturday, October 25, 2014
KARMA!
I used to always brag about marrying my bestfriend....having the best husband and the perfect home. I have been married for 4years now to the man every good woman deserves...a man who would spend his extra time with me, take me to all his outings, made so much noise about me on all his social network pages and profiles. I am blessed to be married to Dapo....or cursed!
I am 28years old, a graduate and I earn a good pay working with one of the top advertisement firms in the Country. 5years ago, I went out to a bar where I always spend the extra-hours before going home to sleep through one of the many movies I buy every weekend at the corner shop. "May I join you?"...looking up to see who was asking was this young man, probably in his mid-thirties, wearing grey pants, sparkling white shirt, black belt, black shoes...and he smelt good...fresh, like he just had a shower and dabbed some old spice after-shave. I moved to the edge of the couch...he sat and sighed like he'd been standing on a long friday afternoon queue at the bank. We got talking, found out he just got caught....cheating on his girlfriend with one of her friends. That made my skin crawl! Oh well! that's non of my business...I mean, I had just broken up with my boyfriend of eight months.....eight months of all the bliss and love and all those wonderful things in a perfect relationship. Shit really does happen!
Anyway....so I and le stranger had a good time, talking and laughing and judging where we both went wrong in our past relationships, made silly jokes about ourselves...our exes too! I held nothing back talking to Grey-pants and it felt really good, like I'd known him all my life. Going to The Bar became more exciting, it was now beyond the music, shisha and the different cocktails I always looked forward to trying...lol!
Fastforward to 3months.....I and Dapo (Grey-pants) got married! Oh yes we did....it was more like we knew each other so well and had nothing to hide. But it wasn't really so. my marriage had been beautiful...perfect and peaceful until I had reasons to start questioning Dapo's change of attitude towards me. You know how they say a jealous woman does better search than the FBI...well, I became a secret agent added to the FBI. Something was amiss. Dapo who woild take me everywhere and kiss me all over and all those things that ladies like, just stopped...without a warning....just like that!
I got so scared that my marriage would end and my jealous friends would laugh....I was even more devastated at the thought of a fasiled marriage than i was of the actual thing. so, one day i decided to take Dapo out to Jabi Lake at night when my face and emotions would be hidden in the dark and I could open up to how his attitude had gotten to me. He had his hands in his pockets while we stood by the car...like he was trying to let me know that nothing sweet was going to go down! i started...."D-boy, you and I know that things haven't been fine with us...our relationship these past months, if at all I have done something" ......"something?....you think it's just something you did or said?"....I was happy he was saying something...that's a step to solving this whole thing. "Chetachi, if it was just that, then I would not be like this with you...you have no idea, do you?". At that point, I just wanted to dissolve into my shadow. What in the world could I have done? I never crossed the line with any man....never cheated or came close....I'm good with his family...friends....reasonably and safely so! I could just fall down and die right now. "just tell me what it is exactly"...."oh yes I definitely will tell you"! My heart was beating so hard I could hear it in my head...i'm sure my veins even looked like they would burst.
I stood at the door and watched my marriage and happiness drive out the premises as the break-lights dimmed away. I had no-one to confide in...nobody to talk to. Dapo had been the only true friend I have had all these years and I never discussed our relationship with anyone. It was so hard to digest all he told me. All he had done in the name of trying to forgive me. All he had done to me....for things I did in the past. How convenient!
So Dapo came across an old friend of mine some months ago. We were close...friends....with benefits. we never dated, we just were comfortable with each other as we were. His name was Fisayo...he was dark, tall, wasn't such a looker, had good sense of humour and a horrible dress sense...lol! He was a good friend. I could count on him anytime-anyday! He was my guy...like a dude to a dude! I met my ex and we had to stop all the benefits thing and remain just friends....but somehow, it didn't work, so we sort of drifted apart and lost contact.
Many years after that, Fisayo met Dapo...they became friends and shit started to roll out. Now, Fisayo knew everything about me.....everything! Finding out that I and Dapo were married, he started to spill...not like I had anything to hide, but I believe in the past remaining in the past, right!? Anyway....from all my past relationships to all the wrongs I'd done to exes....including Fisayo....he told Dapo!
Maybe I should have told Dapo while we were dating....but how would i have started? Not like i killed anyone....ok, I stole a few boyfriends...briefly, but I was just 22years old and in the university. Alot of things happened there! When I and Dapo met, I told him all about my life after school...the really recent stuff. How was I to know that all I did in Kindergarten would be important?
To cut this, Dapo dropped me off and asked me to think of how to sort this out...."our lives together is gradually crumbling down and you alone can rebuild this"...his words to me just before he received a call that had him sounding all sweet like he used to be with me....some months before Fisayo....
I am 28years old, a graduate and I earn a good pay working with one of the top advertisement firms in the Country. 5years ago, I went out to a bar where I always spend the extra-hours before going home to sleep through one of the many movies I buy every weekend at the corner shop. "May I join you?"...looking up to see who was asking was this young man, probably in his mid-thirties, wearing grey pants, sparkling white shirt, black belt, black shoes...and he smelt good...fresh, like he just had a shower and dabbed some old spice after-shave. I moved to the edge of the couch...he sat and sighed like he'd been standing on a long friday afternoon queue at the bank. We got talking, found out he just got caught....cheating on his girlfriend with one of her friends. That made my skin crawl! Oh well! that's non of my business...I mean, I had just broken up with my boyfriend of eight months.....eight months of all the bliss and love and all those wonderful things in a perfect relationship. Shit really does happen!
Anyway....so I and le stranger had a good time, talking and laughing and judging where we both went wrong in our past relationships, made silly jokes about ourselves...our exes too! I held nothing back talking to Grey-pants and it felt really good, like I'd known him all my life. Going to The Bar became more exciting, it was now beyond the music, shisha and the different cocktails I always looked forward to trying...lol!
Fastforward to 3months.....I and Dapo (Grey-pants) got married! Oh yes we did....it was more like we knew each other so well and had nothing to hide. But it wasn't really so. my marriage had been beautiful...perfect and peaceful until I had reasons to start questioning Dapo's change of attitude towards me. You know how they say a jealous woman does better search than the FBI...well, I became a secret agent added to the FBI. Something was amiss. Dapo who woild take me everywhere and kiss me all over and all those things that ladies like, just stopped...without a warning....just like that!
I got so scared that my marriage would end and my jealous friends would laugh....I was even more devastated at the thought of a fasiled marriage than i was of the actual thing. so, one day i decided to take Dapo out to Jabi Lake at night when my face and emotions would be hidden in the dark and I could open up to how his attitude had gotten to me. He had his hands in his pockets while we stood by the car...like he was trying to let me know that nothing sweet was going to go down! i started...."D-boy, you and I know that things haven't been fine with us...our relationship these past months, if at all I have done something" ......"something?....you think it's just something you did or said?"....I was happy he was saying something...that's a step to solving this whole thing. "Chetachi, if it was just that, then I would not be like this with you...you have no idea, do you?". At that point, I just wanted to dissolve into my shadow. What in the world could I have done? I never crossed the line with any man....never cheated or came close....I'm good with his family...friends....reasonably and safely so! I could just fall down and die right now. "just tell me what it is exactly"...."oh yes I definitely will tell you"! My heart was beating so hard I could hear it in my head...i'm sure my veins even looked like they would burst.
I stood at the door and watched my marriage and happiness drive out the premises as the break-lights dimmed away. I had no-one to confide in...nobody to talk to. Dapo had been the only true friend I have had all these years and I never discussed our relationship with anyone. It was so hard to digest all he told me. All he had done in the name of trying to forgive me. All he had done to me....for things I did in the past. How convenient!
So Dapo came across an old friend of mine some months ago. We were close...friends....with benefits. we never dated, we just were comfortable with each other as we were. His name was Fisayo...he was dark, tall, wasn't such a looker, had good sense of humour and a horrible dress sense...lol! He was a good friend. I could count on him anytime-anyday! He was my guy...like a dude to a dude! I met my ex and we had to stop all the benefits thing and remain just friends....but somehow, it didn't work, so we sort of drifted apart and lost contact.
Many years after that, Fisayo met Dapo...they became friends and shit started to roll out. Now, Fisayo knew everything about me.....everything! Finding out that I and Dapo were married, he started to spill...not like I had anything to hide, but I believe in the past remaining in the past, right!? Anyway....from all my past relationships to all the wrongs I'd done to exes....including Fisayo....he told Dapo!
Maybe I should have told Dapo while we were dating....but how would i have started? Not like i killed anyone....ok, I stole a few boyfriends...briefly, but I was just 22years old and in the university. Alot of things happened there! When I and Dapo met, I told him all about my life after school...the really recent stuff. How was I to know that all I did in Kindergarten would be important?
To cut this, Dapo dropped me off and asked me to think of how to sort this out...."our lives together is gradually crumbling down and you alone can rebuild this"...his words to me just before he received a call that had him sounding all sweet like he used to be with me....some months before Fisayo....
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