Beauty in bondage

I should have known better than to have listened to Sammie by wearing these tortures called shoes. I’ve been cursing five minutes after we came out of the car. If I had been my own boss and sat somewhere in the middle or at the back; or better still worn what I was comfortable in, I wouldn’t be in this pain. But still I decided to take the front seat with her and now I can’t ease my feet of these pains. Listening to Sammie was such a huge mistake.  I should have just done my thing my way. Even the dress is what I’d refer to as “waiting to exhale”, I can barely breathe in it let alone eating. I’ve been slapping my neck because the hair keeps crawling around me and it scares me- feels like spiders! I have this horrible itch that I can’t scratch just because she thinks it’s not lady-like, I have to keep a straight face so I don’t appear to be too excited to be at the party (rolling my eyes). I should wave the hand-fan slowly to show that I’m comfortable....... Woman! I’m sweating like I’ve been running for my dear life.

Don’t get me wrong, like Kimora, I look fabulous. You can’t miss me, my little black bandage dress sits perfectly, and my make-up is soft, nails couldn’t look any better, the shoes- what can I say? They are Jimmy Choos. My purse is a classic Chanel. These are the things you see when you look at me, but deep inside, I’ve just been hit by a train and spiders are crawling up my head- pains everywhere.

I’m looking around at the other ladies and I’m sure they feel my pain- literally that is. A lady walks past in these really high heels, wearing a confident and painless look, her gown is so long I pray she doesn’t trip and fall over. She’s not fooling me because I know I just heard her toes screaming for help and she’s walking like her “knees are stiff”. She’s doing better in handling her pain than I would lying on a couch. I’m scared to blink as “fashion” herself is sitting next to me and she has her eyes on me like glue. I really have to get out of this place, the dress, hair and the shoes as well.....gosh!!! I need a good plan to make my escape ‘coz Sammie is really smart.

 As I get up, I grab my purse and tell her I have to go to the ladies’ with a straight face. I almost had a stroke when she said “I’ve been pressed since like forever”, is she serious?! Has she been sent to kill me today? The walk to the ladies was the longest two minutes walk in my life. I could feel all the eyes burning my back and piercing into my soul. There were two doors in the ladies; one was sealed shut so we were stuck with the other. I sure would give thanks in church tomorrow for this. I asked her to go first; as usual she thought I had no choice than to let her go in first (in her mind, she’s all that). Immediately I heard the locks click, I walked so fast I felt I was gliding. I got to the car, checked for the car keys- goodness; I left them on the table! Arrgh....... I’ll take a cab; send her a text asking her to call me when she’s ready to leave ‘coz nothing will keep me here another second. A lesson learnt; Beauty is never worth the bondage!

 

*THIS PIECE WAS FIRST PUBLISHED IN ELAN MAGAZINE*